If I could renovate Dante's Circles of Hell . . .

Beet Farmers
Circle I Limbo

People who write checks in busy stores
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

People who smack when they eat
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

DMV Employees
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

General asshats
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Tennessee Vol Fans
Circle VII Burning Sands

John Calipari
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

People who are cruel to animals
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell